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About Funchal

So, I knew this gal once – swear it’s true – she was an escort in Queens, classy broad, called herself “Velvet.” She’d strut in heels higher than my hair, and lemme tell ya, that’s HIGH. She said, “Fran, I make bank, but the stories? Nuts!” One dude paid her to just sit there, silent, watchin’ him eat spaghetti. Spaghetti! Can ya believe it? I was dyin’, like, “What’s next, sauce on his face?” She laughed, said it beats waitin’ tables. Fair, fair.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a sharpener in Arcozelo is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window on Rua da Liberdade. I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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