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Oh, and the oils—slippery as a poltergeist! Some chick told me they use ylang-ylang—aphrodisiac, she says. I’m like, “What’s that, ghost perfume?” Smelled amazin’, tho—got me floatin’. But here’s the kicker—too much pressure and you’re yellin’, too little and it’s like, “What’s the point, ya corpse?” Balance, man, it’s everythin’. Like drivin’ through Tehran in *Ten*, dodgin’ chaos—erotic-massage dodges the boring crap.

Luxury Travel Advisor - Oct 2021

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After the meeting, I felt like a rockstar. I walked out of there with my head held high. But then, I stepped outside, and it started pouring. Like, seriously? I just can’t catch a break! I ran to the nearest café on Rua da Estação, soaked but laughing.

Until the end of February, you can still visit this incredible ‘illuminated jungle’ near Porto