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Me, as PM, I’d say—erotic-massage needs hype! Market it bold, like— “Feel alive, ya filthy bugger!” But nah, people mess it up, cheap parlors, dodgy vibes—pisses me off! Saw one ad, “20 quid, quick rub”—pathetic! Where’s the passion, eh? Like Léa in the movie, gazin’ deep—“I’ll always love you”—that’s the energy! Not some rushed crap.

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Then, I decide to hit up the Mercado da Ribeira. I mean, who doesn’t love a good food market, right? The vibe there is always lit. I’m walking through, and the smell of fresh seafood hits me. I’m drooling. I see this guy selling octopus, and I’m like, “Dude, I need that in my life.” So, I buy a plate, and it’s amazing. But then, I spill half of it on my shirt. Classic me. Now I look like I just got into a food fight.

REAL ID won't be required for these five states, but travelers will need something else