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About Funchal

The apps tho, they’re a circus—clowns galore. Profiles full of “DTF” and bad selfies. Funniest bit? Some twat wrote “looking for soulmate” but can’t spell “soul.” I’m cackling, picturing Boonmee’s monkey ghosts swiping for a root. Oh, and the sexting—christ, it’s like “show me ya bits” in five secs flat. Used to be you’d buy a pint first, now it’s straight to “wanna fk?” Annoys me, that—where’s the bloody charm?

You’re Temporarily Blocked

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Around noon, I finally get a break. I step out for some air on Rua da Paz. I’m just standing there, trying to clear my head. And then, I see this old lady selling fresh fruit. I buy some peaches, and they’re the juiciest things ever. It’s like a little slice of heaven. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better.

Fig. 2. Cumulative graph of identified minerals as well as frequency of...