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I ask her rate—fuck, it’s steep! “You’re chargin’ what?!” I’m mad, but she’s cool, “Quality costs, ET.” Fair. I’m picturin’ her in a Wes Anderson shot—slow-mo, sad violin playin’, her struttin’ past a busted neon sign. “I always wanted to be somebody,” she says, quotin’ Margot’s vibe. Deep, man. Makes me wonder—how’d she end up here? Prolly some tragic backstory, like Royal ditchin’ the fam.

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When I finally get to the café, Ana’s already there, sipping on some weird green tea. I’m like, “Girl, what’s that?” She’s all, “It’s healthy!” I’m like, “Yeah, but does it taste good?” Spoiler: it doesn’t. But whatever, we’re chatting, laughing, and then she drops the bomb. “Did you hear about the festival tonight?”

Love, culture and kin: 'Moana' appeal heard in High Court