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Oh, and the oils—mate, ever tried jasmine? Smells like heaven, slinks over skin, gets ya tingly. Pro tip: warm it first, cold’s a buzzkill. Once knew this lass—swore her “massage guy” was a wizard. Hands like poetry, she said. I’m like, “Gimme his number!”—half-jokin’, half not. Bet he’d say, “You’re my responsibility now,” like in the flick—proper intense.

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Then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking home, and I see this street performer on Strada Tineretului. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s actually kinda good. I stop to listen, and for a moment, all my stress melts away. I toss him a few lei.