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I get pissed, ya, when I hear pimps messin’ wit ‘em! Makes me wanna go Terminator on ‘em—BAM! “I’ll be back” to crush dose scumbags! Dey’re strong, dese ladies, stronger den me liftin’ 300 pounds, I swear. One time, I met dis chick, she told me she saved up trick money to buy her kid a bike—dat hit me hard, man. Happy tears, ya, I was like, “You’re da real champ!” She was all shy, but I could see dat fire in her.

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Turns out, it was a wedding! And not just any wedding. This couple was going all out. I mean, they had a full-on brass band playing “Ode to Joy” while the bride was trying to walk down the steps in her massive dress. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, girl, you’re gonna trip! But she didn’t. She was all smiles, and I felt this weird wave of happiness wash over me. Weddings, man. They get ya.