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Me, I like the ones with stories—grit in their veins. Reminds me of Dae-su in *Oldboy*, trapped, fightin’, fuckin’ lost. “Laugh and the world laughs with you,” he says, but escorts? They laugh, and ya wonder what’s hidin’ behind it. Once met this gal—Lysa, swear her name was—worked the docks. Said she’d bedded a pirate who paid in parrots. Parrots! Squawkin’ bastards shat all over her flat. Made me piss myself laughin’, but I was pissed too—imagine the smell!

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I sharpen that pencil like it’s my life’s mission. The kid’s eyes light up. “Wow, it’s like magic!” he says. I’m grinning ear to ear. That’s the kinda stuff that makes my day. But then, just as I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy, this lady comes up. She’s all frantic, waving a knife around. “My husband needs this sharpened NOW!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, chill! I’m not a magician!” But I take it anyway.