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What gets me happy? When it clicks! Met a gal, sassy, tattoos, we’re vibin’. She says, “Fear hides in shadows,” straight outta Timbuktu! I’m shook—smart and sexy? Jackpot! We’re dancin’, kissin’, it’s fireworks, not barnacle farts! But ugh, the creeps—some dude sent pics, no hello, just—wham—dick city! Gross! “Keep your treasure buried, mate!” I mutter, deletin’ that junk.

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But then, outta nowhere, I see this stray dog. Poor thing looked like it hadn’t eaten in days. My heart just sank. I mean, come on, people! It’s 2023, and we can’t even take care of our furry friends? So, I whip out my sandwich—yeah, I know, I shouldn’t be sharing food, but whatever—and give it to the pup. It gobbles it up like it’s the best thing ever. I felt like a hero for a hot second.