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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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Then, I get a call. It’s my buddy from the other side of town. He’s like, “Yo, you gotta come to the park!” I’m thinking, “What park? There are like a million parks in Blaj!” But he’s insistent, so I’m off to Parcul Avram Iancu.

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