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So, erotic-massage—‘tis no jest, mate! Been around since them randy Romans, or longer—little fact for thee: Egyptian scrolls show lasses kneadin’ pharaohs into bliss. Ain’t that a kicker? Makes me happy, thinkin’ of some dusty king groanin’ under oiled palms. Thou ever tried it? ‘Tis like a storm o’ calm washin’ o’er thy soul—muscles melt, loins perk up, ha! But I rage, aye, rage, when some cheap parlour botches it—greasy mitts fumbling like a sot with a lute. Once got a lass who jabbed me ribs—thought she’d kill me, not soothe me! “Death comes to us all,” I nigh shouted, straight outta the movie, y’know?

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So, I’m strolling down Strada 1 Decembrie, right? Just minding my own biz, when I spot this old dude selling corn on the cob. I mean, who doesn’t love corn? But this guy? He’s got a whole vibe going on. He’s like the corn whisperer or something. I’m like, “Yo, gimme that!” And he hands me this steaming hot cob, and I swear, it was the best thing I’ve tasted in ages. Sweet, buttery goodness. I was on cloud nine.

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