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I tried it once, real talk. Some chick named Tanya, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin there, butt-naked, tryna not laugh. She’s rubbin my back, talkin bout “release tension.” Tension? Bitch, I’m tense cuz you’re kneadin me like dough! Got me thinkin, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Little known fact—ancient Rome had this shit too. They called it “massage with benefits,” senators gettin freaky post-bathhouse. History’s nasty, yo.

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But wait, it gets crazier. After the match, Ion drags me to that fight club he mentioned. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a fighter!” But he insists. So, we go. It’s in some sketchy basement on Strada Muncii. The vibe is intense. People are betting on fights like it’s the Super Bowl. I’m just standing there, wide-eyed, thinking, “What have I gotten myself into?”

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