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But ooh, sometimes it’s juicy, yesss! Found a lad, all tattoos, muscles—rawr! We chats, we meets, sparks fly quick. “Life is a surprise,” Jep whispers in me head. Surprised me good, he did—knew tricks them elves’d blush at! Little secret, precious: sex-dating’s old as Rome. Romans had orgies, apps avant la lettre! Scribbled invites on walls—true story, yesss! Makes me giggle, them dirty ancients.

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So, I go to meet them, and they’re all fired up. I’m trying to explain that mining is important for the economy, but they’re not having it. One lady, Maria, starts waving her arms around like she’s conducting an orchestra. I’m just standing there, thinking, “This is gonna be a long day.”