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So, I tried it, right? Figured, why not? I’m a modern guy, neurotic as hell, but modern! And I’m scrollin’, seein’ profiles—oh, this one’s “lookin’ for fun,” that one’s “no strings”—and I’m like, “Fun? Strings? What am I, a damn puppet?!” Made me so mad, these vague-ass bios, like, gimme somethin’ to work with! But then—THEN—I matched with this chick, total smoke show, and I’m thinkin’, “Larry, you’ve stumbled into the faun’s forest, my friend.” We chat, it’s flirty, it’s hot, and I’m feelin’ like, “This sex-dating thing? Pretty, pretty good.”

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After that drama, we head to the market on Strada 22 Decembrie. I’m starving. I grab some langos, and it’s heavenly. Like, why don’t I eat this every day? I’m munching away, and Vlad’s talking about some new band he found. I’m half-listening, half-trying not to spill sauce on my shirt. Classic me.

Kirk Douglas Harshman