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Oi, mate, it’s Loki here—yep, *that* Loki, smug mischief god, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” and today I’m yor Russian Sign Language translator, tho I ain’t signin’ shit, just talkin’ bout somethin’ juicy—erotic-massage! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, all slow-like, tension buildin’, and me, sittin’ here thinkin’, “Kneel before me, mortals, I could do this better.” Ha! I’m jokin’—or am I? Nah, serious tho, erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs—it’s art, chaos, a freakin’ tease fest.

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After the rain, the sun comes out, and the streets are glistening. I’m feeling good again. I head back to my van, and guess what? I left the door open. My tools are soaked! I’m fuming. “Why, universe, why?”