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Oi mate, blimey, here we go—erotic-massage, eh? What a bloomin’ corker of a topic! Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, ramblin’ on like a toff at a tea party. Now, I reckon erotic-massage is a bit like marmite—ya love it or ya don’t, no in-between, capisce? Been ponderin’ this, sprawled out in me Downing Street bunker, thinkin’—cor, what’s the fuss about? Hands slidin’ about, oils, candles—sounds like a ruddy Roman orgy, *delectatio maxima*!

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First off, I hit the road on Strada 1 Decembrie. Traffic was a mess. Like, come on, people! It’s not rush hour, it’s just a Tuesday! I’m sittin’ there, fuming, when I spot this cute little café on the corner. You know, the one with the blue awning? I think it’s called “Café de la Munte.” I’m like, “Screw it, I need coffee.” So I pull over, grab a cappuccino, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I’m feelin’ good again.

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