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Ok, real talk – erotic-massage ain’t just sexy time. It’s old, like ancient old! Did ya know the Romans were all about it? They’d hit up bathhouses, get massaged with olive oil – freaky, huh? Bet they were like, “This is the life!” Meanwhile, I’m over here, jealous, stuck with my lame desk chair. Ugh, makes me mad – why don’t we have bathhouses now? Gimme that oily goodness!

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So I speed over to Parcul Central. I park, hop out, and there’s my guy, sweating bullets. Turns out, he’s got some shady business going on. I mean, who doesn’t in Diosig, right? He’s all like, “I think someone’s following me.” Great. Just what I need. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “What the heck, man?”