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Oh, and the oils? Slippery as hell – nearly fell off the damn table once! Laughed my ass off, masseuse too, ‘til she’s like, “Pay up, clown.” Worth it, tho. Pro tip: don’t go cheap – sketchy places’ll leave ya itchy, not blissful. Trust me, been there, scratched that. Erotic-massage ain’t just a rubdown – it’s a vibe, a freaky lil’ escape. “I feel alive,” Joaquin said in *Her*, and yeah, that’s the deal. Now, go get one – don’t tell me ya won’t!

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I head to this little joint on Strada Tineretului. Best mici in the city! I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard. They’re going back and forth, and I’m just sitting there, eating my mici, thinking, “Man, love is wild.”