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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ minefield. Everybody lies, right? Just like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, you’re huntin’ for somethin’—truth, a hookup, whatever—but it’s all buried under layers of crap. I mean, swipin’ on apps, it’s like interrogatin’ a suspect. “Enhanced interrogation,” my ass—half these profiles are fake as hell. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re barely 5’9” in lifts. Chicks postin’ pics from 2015, pre-kids, pre-20 pounds. Everybody’s playin’ a game, and I’m over here like, “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

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So, I finish up with the milking, and I’m ready to blow this joint. I head over to the market on Strada Republicii. I’m starving, right? I grab a langos, and man, it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, and I see this old dude selling handmade pottery. I’m like, “Dude, that’s sick!” I buy a little bowl, thinking it’ll look cute on my shelf.