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Aight, so sexual-massage? It’s that sneaky lil treat, half hush-hush, half “oh shit, that’s good!” Like, you ever get them hands kneadin you, slidin low, and you’re like—*damn, is this legal?* Spoiler: depends where you at, ha! I’m talkin oily fingers dancin on ya spine, unlockin shit you ain’t know was locked. Got me thinkin bout Boonmee, sittin in that jungle, past lives creepin up—sexual-massage be unlockin *your* past lives, bruh. Like, “I was a king once, now I’m moanin!”

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But then, I hear this commotion. Some guy is yellin’ about a lost dog. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then I see the dog. It’s this scruffy little thing, and it’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ lost. I can’t help it; I go over and scoop it up. The owner is so grateful, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. Like, “Yeah, I saved the day!”

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