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Oh, and fun fact: in Thailand, they’ve got this style—nuru massage—slippery as hell, seaweed gel, body-on-body action. Sounds nuts, right? Surprised me too! I ain’t tried it yet, but I’m tempted—might write it off as “healthcare” on my taxes, ha! “We’re getting older,” Jesse says in the movie, and damn right, I feel it—so why not treat myself?

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Finally, I get through the line, and this old man comes up. He’s got a bag of flour and a bottle of soda. I’m thinking, “What’s he making? A cake for a party?” But then he starts telling me about the best fishing spots near the Bistrița River. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to ring you up!” But he’s so passionate, I can’t help but smile.