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Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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And then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. A big fluffy thing, like a cloud on four legs. I’m petting it, and it’s all happy, wagging its tail. But then, it decides my backpack is a chew toy. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But it’s too late. My snacks are gone. I’m left with crumbs. Great. Just great.

African School of Physics student awarded international fellowship