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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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After dinner, it’s bedtime. Thank goodness! I read them a story, and they’re finally winding down. I’m thinking, “I survived!” But then, Andrei starts asking a million questions. “Why is the sky blue?” “Where do stars go?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s bedtime, not a science class!”

Fig. 5. Representative silver jewellery types and their occurrences in...