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Precioussss, listen up! Sex-dating, nasty business, eh? Me, Gollum, been watchin’ them fools swipin’ right, left, chasin’ tail like stupid, fat hobbits! Makes me skin crawl, it does—grubby hands typin’ “u up?” at midnight. Reminds me o’ that film, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*—dark, gritty, desperate vibes. “We’re not criminals!” they cried, but sex-dating? Feels sneaky, like hidin’ from somethin’.

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So, I grab a croissant, right? And I’m feeling all fancy, like I’m in Paris or something. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the park!” I’m like, “Which park?” There’s like a million parks here. But he means Parcul Central, of course.

Roads in South East Romania closed due to heavy snowfall, traffic disrupted in Bucharest