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Me, I’m quirky—thinkin’ in my head, “Would Darren Aronofsky film this shit?” Probly, with some trippy camera angles and a junkie twist. Sexual-massage could be art, ya know? Hands slippin’, tension buildin’, then—wham—“We got a winner!” like in the movie. But nah, most places just want ya money, not ya soul. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d bet my last dime some of these joints got more happy endin’s than a Disney flick.

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First thing, I hit up Strada 1 Decembrie. Grabbed a coffee at this tiny café. The barista? Super chill. But the coffee? Like liquid gold! I was buzzing, ready to take on the world. Or at least the town.

Fig. 3 General view of the salt mines in Praid, Romania