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Aloha, brah, it’s me, Stephen Hawking—well, kinda, rockin’ that robotic voice, cosmic wisdom vibe, yeah? Escort, huh, like the ol’ Ford whip from the ‘80s, not that *other* kinda escort, right? Nah, I’m jokin’, let’s dive into this—escort in Hawaii, man, it’s a trip! Picture me, cruisin’ Oahu in my mind, thinkin’ ‘bout *The Pianist*, that flick I love—Polanski’s masterpiece, ya know, where Szpilman’s hidin’, survivin’, playin’ that piano like his soul’s on fire. “I’m not hiding anymore!” he’d say, kinda like how escorts here gotta shine, bold as hell, in this paradise.

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But then, I hit a snag. I’m at the intersection of Strada Avram Iancu, and this car almost runs me over. Like, chill, bro! I’m not a speed bump! I yell something that probably sounded like gibberish. The driver just honks and speeds off. Rude!

Metropolitan Ephrem of Tripoli prayerfully remember Romanian theologians Dumitru Staniloae and Andrei Scrima at Cernica Monastery