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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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But then, the day took a turn. I’m walkin’ back, feelin’ all proud of my haul, when I see a stray dog. Poor thing looked so sad. I’m like, “C’mon, buddy, let’s get you some food.” So I head to a nearby shop, grab some snacks, and feed the dog. He was so grateful, wagging his tail like crazy. Made my heart melt, for real.

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