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But – hiss – she’s clever, gotta say. Knows the trails better’n most. Heard she once led a lost hiker out, charged him double, ha! Little sneaky fact, that – folks don’t talk it. “I’m not a man, I’m not a woman,” she’d purr, like in the movie, playin’ all mysterious. Drives me batty, yet I’m laughin’ – she’s a riddle, aint she? Me old eyes see her split soul, yesss – one half sweet, one half rotten. Split-personality, like me preciousss self!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, kicks a soccer ball, and it hits me right in the leg. Ouch! I’m like, “Hey, watch it!” But he just giggles and runs off. Kids, man. They’re fearless. I wish I could be like that.

British pound coin honoring writer George Orwell to go on sale soon