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So, sexual-massage—been ‘round forever, right? Ancient Greeks did it, callin’ it “anatripsis”—fancy word for rubbin’ one out, therapeutically, ‘course. Bet they didn’t tell ya that in school, huh? Pisses me off—schools skip the good stuff! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, why ain’t I gettin’ a sexual-massage right now? Makes me ragey! Respect my authoritah, I deserve it! Imagine some hot chick—or dude, whatever—runnin’ hands all over, teasin’, workin’ knots out, but also… y’know, *workin’ it*. Happy endin’ or not, that’s the rumor, but I ain’t judgin’.

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I plop down on my couch, still buzzing from that coffee. I think about the day’s chaos. Pigeons, spilled coffee, dancing kids, and bike crashes. It’s all part of the charm, right?

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