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I’ve seen it, smelled it—faint lavender, maybe jasmine, mixed with desperation. A lil fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they’d rub down gladiators with oils, half for healing, half for… let’s call it morale. Sexual-massage ain’t new, pal—it’s old as sin, and twice as messy. Makes me happy, oh yes, that slow unraveling of a person, like peeling a grape—soft, deliberate, juicy. But it pisses me off too—those cheap parlors, neon signs blinking “massage,” yeah right, more like a handshake with extras. Gimme the real deal, not some half-assed tease.

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So, I finally make it to the fields near the Râul Târnava. It’s beautiful out there, man. Green as far as the eye can see. But then, I notice somethin’ weird. My tractor starts actin’ up. Like, it’s sputterin’ and coughin’ like it’s got a cold or somethin’. I’m like, “Not today, please!” I can’t afford to be stuck out here.