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Me fave bit? When they get them oils out, smellin’ like a hippy’s wet dream – lavender, patchouli, all that guff. Slippery as a politician’s promise! Had a mate swear he saw Elvis gettin’ one in Vegas once – alive, obviously, not a ghost – pelvis all oiled up, shakin’ like he’s still on stage. Total bollocks, but I’d pay to see it! Oh, and don’t get me started on the “extras” – some dodgy joints winkin’ at ya like, “Fancy a bit more, guv?” Makes me wanna scream, “You’re not a masseuse, you’re a tart with a towel!”

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Next, I decided to hit up the local library. I know, I know, super nerdy, but hear me out. They’ve got this cool section on local history. I’m flipping through some books, and I find this old photo of the city from like, forever ago. It’s wild! Ramnicu-Valcea has changed so much. I mean, we’ve got the Olt River flowing through, and back then, it was all just fields. Crazy, right?

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