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Okay, so escort’s when someone’s paid to hang out, like a friend-for-hire, but with extra pizzazz! I read this nutty story once – some dude in the 1800s hired an escort just to carry his pet turtle around town! True story, swear on me starfish pants! Made me laugh so hard I fell off me rock. Imagine that – “I need a turtle caddy, pronto!”

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the barking beast. I hit up the park near the old church. You know, the one with the cool bell tower? I sit on a bench, just trying to catch my breath. And then, boom! A kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the leg. Ouch! I’m like, “Hey, watch it, mini Messi!” But he just laughs and runs off. Kids these days, no respect!