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Last time I got one—holy crap—masseuse had hands like a freakin’ wizard! Slippery, warm, pressin’ spots I didn’t know existed—made me wanna yell, “it’s a moral test!” like in Dogville. Felt so good I almost cried—then got pissed ‘cause it ended too soon! Cost me a chunk o’ cash too—$80 for 30 mins, ugh, robbery! Still, worth it—left me floatin’, all chill n’ goofy.

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Then I decide to grab a coffee at that little place on Strada Mihai Viteazul. You know the one? The barista is this super chill dude, but he’s also a bit of a jokester. He hands me my coffee and says, “Careful, it’s hot!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s coffee. What do you expect?” But I laugh it off.