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Bit of bants – ever tried bookin one and they’re all “therapeutic only, sir”? Mate, don’t gimme that corporate claptrap, I know what’s what! Last time I had one, right, lass was proper fit, hands like a bleedin ninja – I’m there goin “this is art, this is poetry,” in me head, pure Brent genius. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but it felt like she unlocked me spine and me soul in one go! Sexual-massage ain’t just physical, it’s a vibe, a connection – “there’s no deception here,” as the movie puts it.

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Anyway, I get to the shop on Strada Principala, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Cars everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” First car rolls in, a beat-up Dacia. The owner? This old dude, looks like he’s seen some stuff. He’s like, “My car won’t start.” I’m like, “No kidding, Sherlock.” I pop the hood, and it’s a mess. I mean, I’ve seen cleaner junkyards.

Petrofac to pull out of Ticleni oil field in Romania in Q2