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Final thought, cut off—sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, but hey, sometimes you find gold. Like that time I—nah, another story. “Look out the window,” the movie says. Maybe the answer’s not in the app, but outside. Who knows? I’m just a serious man, narrating this wild, wild ride!

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So, I’m standing there, fuming. I mean, how am I supposed to sort through dusty old documents in the dark? I’m not a bat! But then, this old dude, Mr. Ionescu, shows up. He’s like, “Hey, kid, wanna help me find my grandma’s birth certificate?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?”