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Oi mate, gather ‘round! Erotic-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a battlefield! We shall fight on the tables, we shall knead the flesh, we shall never surrender to stiff muscles! Picture this – hands sliding, oil dripping, tension melting like a bleedin’ empire. Me fave flick, *Tropical Malady*, it’s all there – “the beast of desire stirs!” – that’s what I reckon when I’m knackered and some lass or bloke’s rubbing me down. It’s primal, innit? Like jungles and sweat, but with a happy ending – if ya catch me drift.

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Then I hit up the market on Strada Măgurii. OMG, the fresh produce! I’m talking tomatoes that look like they just came outta a beauty pageant. I grab a few, and this lady next to me starts chatting. She’s all like, “You gotta try the plăcinte here!” I’m like, “Plăcinte? What’s that?” She gives me this look like I just insulted her grandma. Turns out, it’s this amazing pastry filled with cheese and stuff. I’m sold!

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