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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, woohoo, gets me all tingly! Reminds me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about”—that’s me tryin’ to explain this to Marge! So, sexual-massage—basically, it’s hands roamin’, oils flowin’, all sexy-like. Not yer regular backrub, nah, this one’s got *spice*. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this, called it “erotic rubdowns” for warriors! Crazy, right? Gets me pumped thinkin’ bout it—Homer the warrior, ha!

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But then, the owner shows up. And guess what? It’s this grumpy old dude who looks like he just swallowed a lemon. He starts yelling at the dog, and I’m like, “Chill, man! It’s just a dog!” But he doesn’t care. He drags the poor pup away, and I’m left there feeling all sad again.

Ex-PM Ponta allowed Romanian villages along the Danube Gorge to be flooded in order to protect Belgrade