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So, I tried it once, this spot in Philly—shady joint, smelled like lavender and secrets. This masseuse, she’s all “relax, champ,” and I’m like, “girl, I’m Apollo, I don’t chill!” But then—bam!—her hands hit my back, slippin’ down, oiled up, and I’m melted. Felt like a TKO, but the good kind. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators got erotic rubs before fights—kept ‘em loose, horny, and ready to kill. True story, look it up!

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So, I’m standin’ in line at that little café on the corner, you know the one? The one with the weird name—Cafeneaua Zâmbetului. Yeah, that’s it! Anyway, I’m waitin’ for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders like a million things. Like, bro, it’s a coffee shop, not a buffet! I’m gettin’ impatient, and my stomach’s growlin’ like a bear.

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