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First time I went—total noob, right? Lady’s like, “Relax, lil green guy,” and I’m sweatin, thinkin, “What’s this oil smellin like Dagobah swamp?” Happy as hell tho—tension gone, floatin like I’m usin the Force. But once—ugh—dude pressed too hard, nearly snapped my spine! Anger flared, “Fear leads to anger,” I muttered, ready to lightsaber his ass. Calmed down tho—good vibes only, yeah?

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But then, I bump into my ex, Sofia. Ugh, talk about a mood killer. She’s with some dude, and they look all lovey-dovey. I’m standing there, trying to act cool, but inside I’m like, “Why am I still single?” We chat for a sec, and she’s all, “How’s work?” I’m like, “Oh, you know, just planning people’s financial futures.” But really, I’m just trying to keep my heart from breaking again.

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