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I tried it once—swear to God, felt like my spine was singin’. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just dodged a bullet in a shootout. But here’s what pissed me off: some folks out here chargin’ $200 for a half-assed rubdown—c’mon, man, “knock it down, knock it down!” like Buscapé yellin’ at the madness. Ain’t nobody got time for that rip-off. A good sexual-massage? It’s gotta flow, gotta hit deep—muscles loosenin’, mind spinnin’, maybe even a lil naughty twist if you’re feelin’ bold. Wink wink, you know what I mean.

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We ended up crafting this killer proposal. I mean, it was lit! We sent it off just in time. I was feeling like a champ. But then, I got a text from my buddy Jake. He was at the park on Pine St. and said there was a food truck festival. I was like, “Dude, I’m stuck at work!” But he kept sending pics of tacos and burgers. Ugh, the jealousy was real.

Woman ‘locked up daughters for decade’