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Last week, yeah, I tried it meself – mate of mine, dodgy geezer, says, “Gardener, you gotta feel dis.” Booked a sesh, walked in all nervy, room’s dark, candles flickerin’ like in Wes Anderson’s flick when da kids run off to da woods. “What’s the rumpus?” I’m thinkin’, heart’s bangin’ like a drum. Dis lass starts wiv da oils, hands movin’ slow, and I’m like, “Blimey, dis is peng!” Felt like da bit in da movie where Suzy says, “We’re in love, we just wanna be together.” Me and da massage, bruv – true romance!

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We get to the festival, and it’s a total vibe. There are stalls everywhere, selling flowers, crafts, and food. I’m in heaven. I grab a hot dog from a vendor on the corner of Stora Torget. It’s legit the best hot dog I’ve ever had. I’m talking gourmet level. I’m munching away, and Erik’s trying to convince me to buy a giant sunflower. I’m like, “Nah, I don’t need a sunflower. What am I gonna do with that?”

Supreme Court of Sweden to review meteorite ownership dispute