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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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So, I decide to grab a coffee at Café Bagarstugan. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual, a cappuccino, and sit outside. I’m scrolling through my phone, checking emails, and then—BAM! My ex walks by. Of all the days! She’s with some dude, and they look happy. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I try to play it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why am I still single?”

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