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But lemme tell ya, what pisses me off? Them fake-ass “massage” ads—ya know, the ones promisin’ “happy endings” but it’s just a scam! Wastes my damn time, grrr! Want the real deal—slow, teasin’, body talkin’ without words. “What we see isn’t real,” Godard’d say—damn right, half these parlors fulla lies! Gotta hunt the good ones, rare as hell. Found one once—tiny spot, dim lights, chick knew tricks I didn’t even dream of. Fingers grazin’ spots I forgot I had—surprised me so bad I nearly flipped the table! Hahaha!

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But the real kicker? This family shows up with a BBQ. Like, who brings a grill to the beach? They set it up right next to my lifeguard chair. I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to keep an eye on the water, and all I can smell is burnt sausages. I’m like, “C’mon, people! This is a beach, not a cookout!”

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