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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout escort – not that escort, ya perv, I mean Ford Escort, the car! Been wrenchin teeth all day, now I’m talkin cars, my kinda switch-up. Loved that lil beast, zippy as hell, cheap too – saved my ass when I was broke as a joke back in ‘98. Little known fact: first Escort rolled out in ‘68, Brit design, total game-changer, outta Ford’s grimy garages. Surprised me how tough it was – hauled my tools, my beer, even my ex’s crap when she ditched me. “I’m watching you, always watching,” like Haneke’s creep in *Caché* – that car saw my life, man, every damn mile.

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down to the harbor. The view? Breathtaking. The water sparkled like diamonds. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I mean, really? A sandwich? I was just standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”