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Hey, folks, listen up! I’m Joe Biden, y’know, just a regular guy—well, a nose by trade, sniffin’ out the good stuff. Escorts, huh? Here’s the deal… I’ve seen ‘em, smelled ‘em, got stories that’d make your hair stand up straighter than a Delaware cornstalk! Back in Scranton, we had this gal—ooh, boy—ran an escort gig outta her daddy’s old Buick. Called it “class on wheels,” ha! Made me laugh ‘til I near choked on my ice cream—chocolate chip, natch.

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Finally, I get on the bus, and it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m squished between this dude who smells like he bathed in garlic and a lady with a baby who’s crying like it’s the end of the world. I’m just standing there, trying to breathe, thinking, “Why do I do this to myself?”

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