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Oh, and the cost—don’t get me started! Hundreds, sometimes thousands—thousands! I’d be happy spendin’ ten bucks on a sandwich, but this? Robbery! Pretty, pretty bad deal, if ya ask me. And the risks—cops, creeps, STDs—yikes! I’d be poppin’ Xanax like candy, sweatin’ bullets. But then—little secret—some old brothel in Nevada, they say Bonnie and Clyde hid there once. Cool, right? History and hookers, two-for-one special!

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Then I stroll down to the harbor. The sun’s shining, and the water’s glistening. I’m thinking, “Damn, this place is beautiful.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my pastry! I’m like, “Not today, bird!” I wave my arms like a madman. People are staring. Whatever, I’m defending my snack!

Sweden, Norway issue red alerts as heavy rain derails train, floods roads