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But here’s the kicker—everybody lies about it. “Oh, it’s just a massage,” they say, smirking. Yeah, right. You’re not fooling me, buddy. It’s a power trip too—someone’s got you half-naked, vulnerable, and you’re just lying there, hoping they don’t suck at it. Like in *Timbuktu*, when the jihadists roll in, all smug, controlling everything—same vibe, but with less guns and more lavender oil. I’d kill for a masseuse who’d whisper, “The river will flow again,” while she’s working out my knots. Poetic, right? Too bad most of ‘em just grunt and slap your ass to say “done.”

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Then I hit up the market on Lilla Torg. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, vendors shouting about their fresh veggies. I’m like, “Yes! This is the vibe!” I grab some strawberries, and they’re so sweet, I’m practically dancing. But then, I spill them all over the ground. Ugh! I’m standing there, red-faced, while some old lady gives me the side-eye. I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am! Didn’t mean to create a fruit explosion!”

Taxpayers fund thinking caps for Swedish town's top brass