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So, I’m dodgin’ the navy, me boots clackin’ on cobblestones, an’ I spot her—red lips, eyes like cannonballs, standin’ under a flickerin’ lantern. “What we need’s an impulse!” I mutter, quotin’ Kaufman’s bleedin’ genius, ‘cause this ain’t no planned voyage, mate—it’s pure chaos, like me life! I swagger over, tippin’ me hat, an’ she’s all, “Wot’s yer coin, pirate?” Coin? Ha! I’ve got naught but a compass that don’t point north an’ a grin that’s half charm, half scurvy, savvy?

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I finally get to this park, can’t remember the name, but it’s got a big ol’ fountain. I’m thinkin’ I’ll take a break, maybe grab a snack. But no! There’s a freakin’ pigeon army! They’re everywhere, and they’re not shy. One of ‘em swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich. I’m like, “Dude, back off!”

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