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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, it’s all handsy and steamy, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like a prized pig at the fair? Watched “Talk to Her” again last night—Pedro’s a freakin’ genius, y’know? That bit where he says, “A woman’s silence can be louder than words”—damn, that hits when you’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hopin’ the masseuse don’t judge your hairy back.

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But then I met this old dude, Erik. He was sitting on a bench, feeding pigeons. He started chatting me up about the good ol’ days. He said he used to ride the trains to Stockholm all the time. I was like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” He had these wild stories about adventures and mischief. Made me forget my frustration.