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So, lemme spill—sex-dating’s wild, man. You got Tinder, Grindr, whatever, profiles screamin’ “DTF” or “no hookups”—pick a lane, right? I’m over here cacklin’ like a ghoul, ‘cause some dude’s bio says “sapiosexual” but he spells it “sapeosexual”—bro, irony’s dead! Made me mad, like, c’mon, at least Google it! But then—bam—this chick messages me, “Wanna Netflix and bone?” and I’m like, hell yeah, I’m HAPPY, floatin’ on stripes! Total *Carol* moment—“I like the hat,” but it’s more “I like the hustle.”

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But whatever, I shake it off. I’m on a mission to check out the Nykoeping Castle. It’s this old-school fortress, super cool. I get there, and it’s closed! Like, seriously? Who closes a castle? I’m standing outside, fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s a castle! I wanted to feel like a knight or something. Instead, I’m just a peasant with a coffee stain.

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